After almost 15 months on the market, lots of prayer, and God’s perfect timing we accepted an offer on our house the week before Thanksgiving and had the joy of seeing this in our front yard just after the New Year.

Which led to lots and lots and lots of this:

Which we brought here:

And just because we couldn’t get enough of this fun past time at the old house, we sought some more. Thankfully we had some great little helpers (And bigger ones too.)

When I haven’t been busy unboxing things and trying to find a spot for it all, a certain two year old, who shall remain nameless, loves to keep me on my toes. Obviously I have dropped the ball a bit and need to find a way to be everywhere at once. The pictures below explain it all and do not earn me the ever coveted “Mother of the Year” award sadly. There’s always next year

Yesterday during a Valentine’s party that we hosted for some of our dear mommy friends and their little ones, Caroline disappeared and when called for, emerged from a closet with a bottle of plum nail polish in hand and proudly exclaimed “Yook mommy! I paint my piggies!” She decided that nail polish also makes a great lipstick as well. Thankfully it cleaned right off with a washcloth and some warm water. She now knows and states “Only mommy paint piggies”. Surprisingly, she managed to not get one drop of polish on herself or the carpet.

Now that we are finally comfortably settled that means there are lots of projects on my to do list and I have a few to share with you so be on the lookout for a few instructional posts as well as the story of our new house.

Also if you wouldn’t mind, could you please pray for our two little ones. They both have a nasty case of pink eye and colds and Joel also has a double ear infection. Although if we have to be sick and stuck inside its a good weekend for it with another big winter storm coming our way. I will be so glad to see spring come and hope that you all are in good health!

Related posts:

1. I consider my life worth nothing…

I don’t know why, when thinking of my mom, the song “Seasons Of Love” came to mind. I suppose that the reason would be that to recognize “one” year doesn’t seem to do it justice when it feels like so much more than that. 525,600 is a more adequate interpretation of exactly how it feels. Like miles in a long journey, that’s how many thoughts of you have run through my mind.

I am so thankful for the life that you gave to me and the wonderful blessing of a sister and two brothers. We are each a little piece of you that live on. We are each others support and comfort when no one else can be that for us. It’s a true gift!

I know that you were never ours to keep and that God had ordained this day, October 16, 2009 long in advance. He knew about it before you were breathed into existence. His plan is PERFECT, and good and I choose to trust it. Just like you did. And now, your faith is perfected. You are seeing things that I can’t wait to see!

All I can think of is a line from Josh Wilsons “Before the Morning”

“Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling, it’s just the dark before the morning.”

We had to say “goodbye” to your earthly body but we were really just saying “see you in a little while” to the sweet spirit that made you you. So for now, we bear the pain of your loss during our darkness, but the morning will come and we will be together again forever.

Happy first Heavenly Birthday. After all, those are  the best kind right? Because our Heavenly bodies are perfect and don’t age Woo Hoo!

Just like when we were little:

I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living, my Mommy you’ll be.

I love you Mom!

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Kelly had shared a request one day last week of a young wife named Leslie from Oklahoma. She and her husband, Mark were expecting twins and she unexpectedly went into labor at 21 weeks with them and lost both babies (a boy and a girl). However, during her c-section, Leslie went into Cardiac Arrest and was without oxygen for quite some time causing her to go into a coma. After nearly 2 weeks in a coma, Leslie went home to be with Jesus on Thursday.

Please lift her family up. Especially her husband Mark and his three children as they lost their first wife and mommy just three years ago to breast cancer.

I don’t know why this family has had to endure so much heartache and loss, but please be lifting them up in prayer. Pray for the comfort of their hearts, peace and they, as believers, would stay strong in their faith and continue to cling to Jesus.

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1. Love and Respect

So often I have found myself resisting and avoiding writing entries that aren’t peppy and upbeat for fear of being judged or pittied, but I started this blog during one of the lowest points of my life and this is my personal journal. When there are days that  I feel like I can’t talk, writing here is therapy for my soul. When I can’t hide the tears and don’t want to shed them in front of my friends and family, I pour them out on the keyboard as I write out my feelings. I felt the need to write this for those that may stumble on this post that are going through a valley of their own and need to know that others have walked the same path and it will be ok if you just trust the Lord.

So often, others pain makes us feel uncomfortable because we don’t know what to say or do for them. I know, I’ve been there. But what I have learned over the last 2 years, is that you don’t always have to say something. More often than not, a listening ear is all people in pain want or need. Or in this case, I just want your eyes If being completely honest, I hate being in a place of vulnerability with most people, with the exception of my husband, family and a few close friends. But what good is there in trying to appear to the world that I have it all together? Because I most certainly  do not! No one does. And the sooner I start accepting that, the sooner God can start using me for his purpose. This pain isn’t for nothing after all.

So here’s the ugly, but honest truth. Over the past few months I have been in such a lonely place in my coping process over the loss of my mom. Well, let’s be truly honest, I have been down right depressed.  It’s something that I never expected 10 months after her passing. There are days that I just don’t want to talk to or be around anyone. I constantly feel a heavy ache in my chest that hurts so bad that I just don’t know if I can take my next breath. A piece of my heart is literally gone. That’s the only way I know how to explain it. If you’ve ever experienced such a close and personal  loss, you know what I’m talking about, I don’t need to explain it to you. Some days are worse than others, but that’s all apart of the process I suppose, however, the last few weeks have been down right bad. My sadness has made me so edgy and cranky causing me to be short with my husband and kids. Which only causes regret and makes things worse. All I have been able to think about is how I feel  inadequate. Nothing I do is good enough. (I know that so many of the feelings I have been experiencing are just Satan trying to tear me up and drag me down.)It takes an effort to go to church and try to sing praises when my heart feels so broken. I try to put on a smile and ignore the lump in my throat. There are times that I just want to let out a good scream.

After a couple of really terrible weeks, I have really felt God’s presence this week.  I have been so busy feeling crippled and paralyzed by my pain and depression, that I was not making room for Him to step in and help me handle and deal with my pain (which is also His pain). The control freak in me, you know, “The girl that has it all together”, was to busy trying to handle it all by herself. Well that certainly got me no where and fast.

While listening to K-love a few weeks ago they had a Women of Faith moment with Patsy Clairmont and she spoke of a time in her life that she was in deep depression. Now if you have ever had the opportunity to go and hear Patsy Clairmont speak, I am sure  you may be thinking the same thing I am, Patsy Clairmont and depression don’t even belong in the same sentence together! I am sure that we would say that about a number of people in our lives if we knew their personal struggles. Anyhow, God used her to speak to my heart (even though I didn’t know it at the time) as she spoke of hitting rock bottom in her journey through her depression to higher ground and how she prayed one night to God that if He would give her the strength to climb out of bed the next morning, she would get up and an effort. When I had a low point one evening last week, all I felt like doing was crying and all I could do was cry out to God and ask Him not to give up on me and then I remembered Patsy’s prayer and I asked Him to do the same for me. Give me the strength to just get out of bed tomorrow and make the best of the day, help me to be kind in my words and be the wife that my husband deserves and the kind of mommy my children deserve. Let me make a conscious effort and give me the strength to accomplish tasks around the house with a good attitude instead of an ungrateful one.  God is faithful and He hears our cries.

O LORD, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.

~Psalm 143:1~

The other night I rented this movie from the Redbox. I had wanted to see it when it was in theaters but am glad that I didn’t now and blubbered in the comfort of my own living room. If you have the chance to see this movie, I highly recommend it. It is a powerful story.

At the end of the movie, before the credits this verse was displayed on the screen:

Clearly, you are a letter from Christ showing the result of our ministry among you. This “letter” is written not with pen and ink, but with the Spirit of the Living God. It is carved not on tablets of stone, but on human hearts.

~2 Cor. 3:3~

Wow! That hit me like a ton of bricks! Once again, God knew just what I need. It’s like a love letter, a word of encouragement. The thing that I love most about the Bible is that there are verses that maybe we have seen and read hundreds of time or maybe it’s the first time, but when your spirit is lacking and thirsty, we drink it up  like it’s brand new and was written just for us. That’s the great thing about the Bible, it is living and active (Heb. 4:12)!

There’s not a day that passes that I don’t think of my mom. If I were being completely honest with myself, I probably think about her every 10 seconds. Everything reminds me of her. Especially Joel and Caroline. Even though Caroline, our youngest never got to really know her Mimi, she has learned to say her name and we show her pictures so that she can associate the face that belongs to the special name. Out of nowhere today, Caroline kept saying over and over and over “Mimi! Mimi! Mimi!” to which her very smart and sensitive older brother replied “I’m sorry, Caroline. Mimis not here. She is in Heaven with Jesus.” Joel and I have had many talks, and I know in my heart that he fully understands about Heaven, why Mimi is there and that he will get to go there and be with his Mimi one day if he trusts Jesus with his life and has a personal relationship with Him.

I know that so many of you continue to lift our family up in prayer and I really appreciate that. Thank you for being patient with me in this post and allowing me to share my heart with you.

If you are reading this and are going through your own valley, know that God loves you so much. If I can pray for you I would love to have the opportunity to do that.

And I thought that I would include some of my favorite songs right now that have been such an encouragement.

Also, would you please lift the Ryder Family up in your prayers. Libby is a 26 year old wife and mommy to a 6 month old little girl that was just diagnosed with Nodular Sclerosis Hodgkin’s Lymphoma 2 weeks ago. They need our prayers.

Love in Christ,

Emily

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I enjoyed getting to spend some time with some of our family and especially my wonderful husband and of course the 2 precious reasons that I celebrate this special day.

We headed out for lunch after church this morning with Jay’s parents, brother and his family and my brother Matthew and grandparents. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the best experience, actually it was TERRIBLE. Needless to say, we will not be going back to that restaurant again. As my hubby said, two thumbs way down! Hahaha

Since our morning got off to a bit of a bad start, we all came home and laid down for naps to start the day over…..3 hours later, there wasn’t much of the day left. However everyone woke up refreshed and in better moods so it was well worth it! After we got up and around, we decided to head into town and pick up some flowers and head out to the cemetery to visit my mom. On our way back home, we stopped by Archies, a local ice cream stand, and get some yummy treats.

Today was a little bittersweet and had a lot to do with why the morning didn’t really get off to such a great start. All I could think about was how Mothers Day last year, I had all of my family, but namely my mom,  with us at our church for Caroline’s baby dedication. I remember exactly what my mom was wearing and how she smelled. Mothers Day last year would be the last time that my mom wasn’t confined to a hospital bed and that memory just brought out so many emotions.

In service this morning I had my first of a couple melt downs as we sang a very familiar hymn from my childhood. I held it together until we got to this part in the chorus. You may be familiar with it.

O victory in Jesus,
My Savior, forever.
He sought me and bought me
With His redeeming blood;
He loved me ere I knew Him
And all my love is due Him,
He plunged me to victory,
Beneath the cleansing flood.
I heard about a mansion
He has built for me in glory.
And I heard about the streets of gold
Beyond the crystal sea;
About the angels singing,
And the old redemption story,
And some sweet day I’ll sing up there
The song of victory.

One of my dear friends from high school had stated it perfectly this week as being homesick for Heaven. To unbelievers, that may be hard to grasp, but when I hear about the mansion in paradise that is waiting for me and my heart is aching so badly for my mom, this is exactly how I feel. Homesick.

Of course I did not want my missing mom to overshadow the fact that I have so much to celebrate today and everyday, so I spent a lot of time reflecting on and remembering how blessed I was to have the very best mom and what I want to learn from her. In my slightly biased opinion, my mom was was the perfect example of what a Proverbs 31 woman is. I am so thankful for the example that she set for my sister and I in the life that she lived and the love that she gave. This is my prayer of the kind of woman that I long to be refined into by the grace of God.

10  An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself  with strength
and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.

I know that for so many, today can be so cruel and is not full of celebration for a multitude of different reasons. Maybe you did not or do not have a good relationship with your mom and your relationship is broken. Maybe like me, you have lost a mom and brings up so much pain. Or you have been longing to become a mommy and that prayer has not been answered. Know that I have been thinking of and praying for you today. Know that you have a Heavenly Father that knows your hurts and loves you so much. He is our healer and comforter.

Father, I thank you for choosing me to be a mommy to Joel Dewey and Caroline Grace. My life is forever changed because of them and the joy that they bring to my life. I pray that I am the best mommy that I can be to them and always raise and teach them in a way that brings glory and honor to you.

Related posts:

1. Happy Thanksgiving! (A Bit Belated)
2. Happy 2nd Birthday

Early this morning, around 3:30 am I woke up out of a deep sleep and could not for the life of me get comfortable enough to fall back asleep.

Sadly, I have not been giving my relationship with God top priority and have let it fall a little farther down the “To Do List” that it shouldn’t even be on in the first place. I knew that my being wide awake at 4:00 was God telling me “We need to talk. It’s been to long.” Just like my relationship with my husband and children, my relationship with God requires daily communication, conversation and alone time. I guess since my attitude has quite honestly been stinking lately, I just didn’t feel like going to the Father in prayer or spending time with Him in devotions. But since He  ALWAYS knows better than I do, He knew that some one on one time was exactly what I need and He wanted to show me great things.

So I climbed on out of bed, made a steaming hot mug of my favorite mint tea.

Grabbed my Bible and let the Spirit do the leading.

Psalms 136:11-16, 23-24

…and brought Israel out from among them,

His love endures forever.

with a mighty hand and outstretched arm;

His love endures forever.

to him who divided the Red Sea asunder

His love endures forever.

and brought Israil through the midst of it,

His love endures forever.

but swept Pharaoh and his army into the Red Sea;

His love endures forever.

to him who led his people through the desert,

His love endures forever.

to the One who remembered us in our low estate

His love endures forever.

and freed us from our enemies,

His love endures forever.

And my most favorite of the Psalms:

Psalm 139:1-12

O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying don; you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.

You hem me in – behind and before;you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from you Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heaves, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settel on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”  even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

Um, HELLO! Can we say, hit between the eyes?! Psalm 139:13 goes on to read “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Of course I was hit between the eyes. That’s no surprise. He is my creator and knows everything about me. He knew that I needed to read those specific verses, His very own promises to me, so that I would be reminded of His greatness and stop with the pity party I’ve been throwing.

Even though I know that there is never any circumstance in this life that God will not provide for me, a was not stepping out in faith and letting Him do that for me. God is the author of all things and He knows what all my tomorrows hold and along with that, He has a plan.

When will I learn to have the faith of a mustard seed? There is no need to worry as long as I keep on talking to Him and let Him lead the way.

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