This pretty much sums up my week:

I haven’t blogged much over the last week since I have been back due to a need of “checking out” for a few days. This past week has not been a very good one emotionally and I couldn’t bring myself to write anything because I was  dealing with a lot of emotions that I wasn’t expecting as a result from last weekend. I feel like I have been holding on for dear life when it comes to anything tangible that is left from my mom’s time here on earth but mostly clinging on to Christ trying to keep my head above water. These past few days I feel like I am barely making it and am once again, humbled by my God, letting Him carry me through this valley learning to have total dependence on Him and not myself.

After taking a week to go to Florida to visit with my sister, Lindsay and her family, Lindsay, the kids and I returned to Ohio last Thursday. After 6 very short  (but also very long, if that makes any sense) months, it was time to tackle the task of going through every single item at our moms house and trying to decide what to do with it. Do we keep it? If so, who get’s it? Do we sell it? Donate it? Throw it away? This probably had to be the most emotionally draining task of the closure process. It’s so hard to explain to someone that has never had to do this, but you almost feel like you are betraying the person that is gone going through every personal item they owned.

We started first with her bedroom knowing that room was going to be the hardest and just wanting to get it done with. As we emptied her closet and drawers, it just seemed unreal. Her room was exactly the way she left it the last time that she was in there, so it felt like she would be walking through the door any second. As we went through and set aside a few things to keep for ourselves, such as shoes or necklaces, I felt like I needed to ask my moms permission first. Doesn’t that sound odd? Of course, we would love to keep everything but that wouldn’t have gotten us very far.

Some of you knew my mom personally and if you knew her well, you know that she LOVED to shop. Especially for clothes and shoes. The only way that Lindsay and I could make it through was to be lighthearted about it all. We got to laughing as I sarcastically started counting her capris….. “Pair 502, pair 503, pair 504….” Lindsay made the comment that Mom was probably in Heaven watching us crack our jokes and laughing and saying “Great! I’m gone and they are still making fun of me!”

Now comes a plea from someone that’s been there. I love to shop as much as the next person, but after going through mom’s house, take this as a gentle piece of advice. Please, please, please be kind to your children and clean out your closets, cupboards etc. on a regular basis As the saying goes: If you haven’t worn it in a year, get rid of it!

Of course going through the house that we grew up in and our mom lived in for the last 19 years, there were a lot of laughs as we came upon some sweet memories. Such as:

Nicholas’ “Duckie”. However this is not the original, but the replacement after the first one got lost somewhere in Wal-Mart circa 1994.

Nicholas’ blanky. If you can even call it that. I’m surprised the thing didn’t disintegrate at the bottom of the cedar chest.

Nicholas’ favorite jammies from when he was 5. The pants used to be long but were cut into shorts when they started getting to many holes. The armpits and elbows were non existent in the shirt. Are we seeing a common theme here? Nicholas loved his “favorite” things passionately to say the least.

Then there was the kitchen. Did you know that you can have warm memories of pots and tupperware? Our family did and it all started with this little fella. When I found this pot, I held it up and asked Lindsay and Matthew what it reminded them of. They immediately said “Hard boiled eggs!” Bingo! For whatever reason, that was the only purpose that this pot served. To boil eggs. Who knows why. Guess I’ll have to ask mom when I get to Heaven someday because only she knows.

The humongoid green tupperware bowl, used only for mom’s Cauliflower salad that she only made for Thanksgiving. And the tupperware container on the bottom, used only to hold multiple batches of chocolate chip cookies for when company was coming. The Pitcher on the right, Kool-Aid.

This pitcher is what we mixed jello in. Mom sure did use a lot of precious space to store this large pieces that only got used for one purpose a couple of times a year but they hold so many memories that the 4 of us kids share.

Lindsay and I took ballet for many years. Here are some of our ballet slippers that mom saved. She had stashed  them in a ziploc bag on the top shelf in her bedroom closet where they have been since Lindsay and I lived at home.

And then there were all of the beautiful dresses that mom had sewn for Lindsay and I. A couple of them fit sissy and she looks so sweet in them. I can’t wait to take her to church with one of these on with a big bow in her hair. My mom’s heart would just absolutely melt if she could see Caroline in the dresses that I used to wear.

Of course, with all of the hard work going on, there needed to be a few meal breaks. Since Lindsay was only in town for a couple of days, we had a few local places that we had to hit up.

Lindsay and I “modeling” mom’s beautiful 1970′s snow suites.

And of course, we had to get that one last picture together on the front porch where so many pictures were taken for the first and last day’s of school.

Thanks for being patient and taking this trip down Memory Lane with me.

Blessings,

Emily

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