Today marks four months since my mom was welcomed into Heaven. Wow. I can’t believe it has been four months already. That time has gone by so fast but yet so slow all at once if that makes any sense at all.

(This is a picture I came across the other day that I had never seen. Mom and grandma sitting in my hospital room waiting for Caroline to make her debut. A very happy MiMi and MawMaw.)

If you have ever suffered loss, have you ever thought about how cruel time can truly be? Maybe this concept doesn’t make sense. I don’t know. But I feel like life just keeps on without any regard to those that are hurting. Not that life has stopped for me since my mom has left this earth, but I am just so aware after her funeral how time seems to just keep going even though you feel like it should stop. Everyone around me continues on while I am still trying to figure out how to go on with life after a loss.  Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not holding a grudge against others for not being as “devastated” by our loss because I know that so many hurt along with us and for us.

A few nights ago God blessed me by sending my mom to me in a dream. I don’t remember much other than being surrounded by a lot of people but all of a sudden seeing my mom. She came running and gave me the most wonderful hug and I could feel it and I could smell her. If you knew my mom well, she always had on her Bath and Body Works Brown Sugar and Fig body spray. Or, as her dear friend Lottie called it, her “figgy newton spray” (insert a sweet twangy Kentucky accent). Jay and I often talk about mom and how it just still seems so surreal. Even though she is gone, I very much feel her with me almost on a daily basis.

I am taking part of my 3rd Tuesday morning women’s Bible study at our church with such a great group of women. They are each a blessing in my life. Each of the three studies has been a Beth Moore study. If you are looking to be completely challenged and refreshed in your walk, this woman will give that to you ten fold! She is the most passionate woman of faith and her genuine love for the Lord is contagious. She has such a gift and I wish that I had an inkling of the gift that she has been given. Anyhow, the study that we are currently working on is “Here and Now, There and Then”. It is her newest study and is a series on the book of Revelation.

I must say, this is my first time reading through the book of Revelation. I think that so often, people have a fear of Revelation because it is about end times. At first, I wasn’t quite sure how I felt about doing this study but I am so glad that I am taking part of it. Today our study was over chapter 2 which covers the letters to the seven churches. Beth was talking of what all was included in the letters to each church which I was familiar with from our previous study on the Disciple John. One of the things that is included in each letter with the exception of one, is a commendation. Ms. Moore  spoke of how each of us as Christians will be commended for the trials and sufferings that we endure and overcome in our time here on earth. Praise God is all I have to say about that! So often my heart feels heavy when I think about my own unique situation or those of my friends or strangers I have never met but have heard their stories. God is going to use it all, good and bad, for His glory. If there is anything that I learned from my mom and her trials is, as long as God receives glory and someone comes to know the Lord, then it was worth it. My mom said that often throughout her battle with cancer. She always gave God the glory in her life and ultimately in her death. How blessed am I to have had such a woman as my mom?

I know in my heart that I was always hesitant to go through the book of Revelation before because of the fact that it covered end times and the matter of death. To many death is a scary thing and it used to be scary to me as well. I can honestly say now, I don’t fear death because it is inevitable. I may fear how I will die but not death itself. As a Christian my hope is secure in the promise that one day I will be in Paradise for eternity and my mom is waiting there for the rest of us to join her. So for now, as time just marches on and I try to figure it out one day at a time, I will continue to grow in my walk and wait patiently for the day that I will meet my Savior and be reunited with my mom and get to wrap my arms around her for myself.

Thank you for letting me share my heart with you.

Many blessings,

Emily

*If you have any questions about my topic here or want to know more, I would love to talk to you and encourage you.

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