I was enjoying becoming a mommy for the 2^nd time to our sweet little girl, Caroline Grace. She made her entrance into this world at 9:36 a.m. after 16 and a half long hours of labor and weighed in at 6 lbs. 15 oz. and was 20 ¼ in. long. She was everything we imagined her to be and more. I can remember when the doctor first laid her on my chest, the first thing I said was “You look just like your big brother!”.

I woke up the day before she was born on Sunday morning and wasn’t feeling very well. We had decided to not go to church and just take it easy. I had taken a shower and I remember Jay’s mom and cousin stopping by while I was back in the bathroom getting ready and I really started to feel some pain in my lower back so I decided to lay down to take a nap and see if I felt any better. When I woke up around 1:00 the back pain had gotten worse so I decided to call my mom and give her a heads up that today might be the day even though my due date was two weeks away. My mom was nothing short of ecstatic at the idea of Caroline’s arrival. She told me to try and go for a walk to see if it was real or not. I went out and sat on a swing on Joel’s swing set for a little bit then told Jay I was going to take my cell phone with me and take a little walk. By the time that I had made it 3 blocks and came back around I had had 4 contractions in a 10 minute span. I remember that it was so cold and windy that day. I decided to come straight home, not wanting to have my water break while I was out and alone since walking had done that with my labor with Joel. Once I got home, the contractions stopped so we decided not to do anything, thinking maybe it was false labor. I went about doing things around the house and Jay decided to pack his things and get Joel ready and pack the car just in case something happened. Around 4:00 the contractions started back up coming about every 4-5 minutes. I let them go one for an hour before we finally made the decision that it was time to go once they got pretty painful. We called my mom and grandparents to tell them we were headed in and would be dropping Joel off to my grandma and grandpas house and called Jay’s mom to tell her what was going on. We finally made it to the hospital around 5:15 or so and by that point my contractions were relentless and coming about every 45-60 seconds. My nurse, also named Emily, got me all settled and checked me, and we found out that I was 4 cm. As soon as they would let me, I got the epidural. Sweet relief!  My mom and two younger brothers came and sat with us in my room. Neither Jay nor I had eaten since breakfast that morning and were both starving so I sent Jay and Matthew out to bring me some Chinese food so I could eat once Caroline was born. Little did I know that wouldn’t be for another 11 hours!  My sister, Lindsay, called from Florida to see if Caroline had come yet and when we told her she hadn’t, we decided to all make guesses on what time we thought she would come and how big she would be. Needless to say, we were all off in our guesses. I suppose Caroline wanted us to know that she was running the show and would come when she was ready.  After sitting around in my room for a couple hours and not really showing any signs of progress, my mom and brothers decided to go home and get a good night’s rest and come back in the morning.

The next morning I remember waking up around 6:00 or so because my epidural had worn off and I was feeling the intense contractions. When I rolled over in my bed, I saw that it had been snowing and the ground was covered with a light layer. It was so beautiful! Around 7:00 my doctor came in to break my water and told me it wouldn’t be too much longer until we were ready to have a baby. I couldn’t wait! At that point, my arms were aching to hold this new precious baby that I had been waiting so long to see. When it came time to push, the doctor asked me who would be in the room with me. I had always thought that I would never want anyone in the delivery room with me except for my husband. But for some reason I was really feeling like I wanted my mom there and that it would be so special to her since it was her first granddaughter. When I asked my mom if she wanted to stay and be there for Caroline’s birth, she was so excited. I remember Jay being on my right side and helping me with my counting while I pushed and all I could hear was my mom almost squealing with joy and saying “Oh Emmy! Oh Emmy! She’s right there honey! She’s almost here!” Just like Jay and I, my mom’s eyes were filled with tears when she saw Caroline and heard her first cry. I cannot even begin to imagine what she was feeling as she watched her oldest daughter give birth to her first daughter! I am so glad that I asked my mom to share in that experience since that would be one of the final days that we would share together before she got her diagnosis. I believe God was preparing me for what was to come and wanted to bless both my mom and I with this wonderful memory that we would share together.  I think about that day all the time.

When Caroline was only 6 days old, my mom went to the ER with what she believed were headaches as a result of high blood pressure. It was a Sunday afternoon when I got the call from my little brother saying that they had done a CAT scan on my mom and found a large tumor on her brain.

Today is a happy day because we celebrate the life of our precious little Caroline. However, I can’t help but feel a little sad because of the things that both Caroline and I have lost. Even though my mom got to meet her, she never really got to know her.  My mom loved to babysit Joel and to have sleepovers with him. Caroline will never get that. She will know how much her Mimi loved her because I will tell her all the time, but she will never experience my moms warm, contagious love for herself.  Even though Caroline only got 6 days with her Mimi, I praise God because Caroline could not have come at a better time. She was the little miracle that lit up a dim and sad situation and carried us through some tough times. I love you so much my sweet girl!

I love you so much, I love you so much

I can’t even tell you how much I love you

You’re special to me, You’re special to me

I’m so glad to have you as part of my life